Relationship and Healing

Relationship and Healing
By Andrew Kimbrell

I have no panacea for addressing the growing threats of cold evil, entwined as they are with so much of our daily lives in our technological society. However the first step is awareness. As we confront the terrorists’ “hot” evil, we must not use the fact that the vast majority of us are not involved in this kind of evil as a vindication of our own society or our personal ethics. Rather we must avoid this trap and finally confront the cold evil with which we are complicit and recognize the potential catastrophic threat it represents to ourselves and Creation.

As for dealing with cold evil directly, I know that there cannot be healing or atonement without relationship. And to restore our relationships to one another and the natural world we must shatter the distancing so critical for cold evil. A first step could be to cease distancing ourselves as “consumers.” The word “consume” means to destroy (as in a consuming fire) or waste (tuberculosis was called consumption because it wastes away the body). We must no longer be mere consumers, destroying and wasting the natural world. We must no longer be complicit in the crimes of our industrial system. To face cold evil we must become “creators” not consumers. We must break our techno-cocoons and truly see that each action we take in deciding which products we buy, or services we use, creates a very different future for ourselves and the earth. We must take responsibility for the consequences of how we fulfill our basic human needs.

We must also change our relationship to work. We can no longer be content with mere jobs and the wage blackmail through which cold evil works. Despite the often overwhelming economic pressures, we must at least attempt to seek a vocation, a “calling,” that expresses our values and fits our needs. Our work should be a “profession,” a profession of our beliefs-good work whose consequences we can embrace.

Ultimately confronting cold evil requires us to begin dismantling the structures and systems in which it thrives. Author Kirkpatrick Sale has urged us to reconsider the importance of “human scale.” Moving toward the restoration of human scale in our social and production systems as alternatives to current global scale organizations and technologies may be the only way to permanently defeat the distancing that has been such a moral disaster for modern man.

In the memorable phrase of Father Thomas Berry, our current economic and technological system has turned all of nature from a community of subjects into a collection of objects. To restore relationship and begin healing we must again treat the living kingdom as a community of subjects, each with its own meaning and destiny, none as merely exploitable objects or means of production. Moving towards this new moral community involves nothing less than replacing the infrastructure of cold evil with technologies and human systems which are responsive to our physical and spiritual needs and the needs of the rest of the biotic community. This means evolving a means of production and social organization for which we can take true responsibility. It is a daunting, almost overwhelming task, but the alternative is to continue to live in state of cold evil, complicit in the current system’s crimes and distanced from relationship and healing. This we can no longer do.

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I love where I am. I love where I work, I love where I live.

I appreciate it.

I wake up eager to stroll through one of the most lovely and livable neighborhoods I’ve ever witnessed. (disregarding some disturbingly snooty privileged vibes, juxtaposed with the park vagrants. how can we live like this?)

My commute: a mere 2 blocks. The organization I work for: built on a purpose, a vision, and an ethical standard which match my own. I get to work with those I admire the most on the causes that stir my heart. I get to study and research topics I am most curious about. I find my meetings, conferences, reading and calls fascinating. For this I’m told I’m lucky, even enviable.

I do feel lucky; I appreciate, count my blessings continually. I do find joy in where I am.

Ephemeral joy, no pure bliss. In fact, maybe one of my most defining characteristics is my continual discontentment. Never am I fully content with my decisions, my positions, my surroundings or even myself. Never am I at peace with the world around me or my current state of personal progress. However, I do accredit my savory situation to this restlessness, this constant critical analysis, this ceaseless seeking. My unwillingness to compromise, settle for anything less than what I wish, wishing always for what is not.  No acceptance of the status quo, the set standards. I am resistant, defiant, critical, yes, perhaps overly anxious, strict, and lofty with my ethics, ideals.

But all this has brought me to where I am, an amazing place. Exactly where I sought to arrive. From here where do I seek to go?

I seek to find peace along with this purpose. To be content with I am, to trust that I am deserving of love, and trust my love deserving enough to share. Peace is complete trust. Trusting myself, and the world to open up to. This does not mean I must compromise my commitment to instigating positive change, seeking solutions to our ills. Rather, this means overcoming ego. Above all, cultivating compassion. I am always desiring just what I cannot have, and sure this instinct has brought me this far. But to find peace, to enjoy where I have arrived, calls for letting go of attachment, of ego.  No seeking personal power, dominance, desires, pride. To put other’s needs before my own. To serve the greater good, rather than personal whims. To enjoy life, to connect with others, to love myself- for the sake of positivity, I must work to progress, to change. Improve.

I write for myself, but post a public and running reminder of where I will take myself next.

In the spirit of appreciating and loving my life: This week’s picks for favorite things about life in DC-

• ‘Vegetable Garden’- Organic, healthy, creative asian food at a low-key setting
• Jazz in the sculpture garden, the national mall has truly beautiful architecture & landscaping. I stare like a tourist every time even though I live few blocks away & drink in the scenery routinely.
• The parks & public spaces prevalent in this place
• Volunteering with the many inspirational initiatives- this week: rooftop garden at Bread for the City
• Discovering new ways to give back to the community & needy
• Having a reason to play dress up now & then
• the tools and resources to find & follow my inspiration & passion! =)
•  Eastern. Flea/Art/Farmer’s Market. Every. Week.
• The existence of so many places serving amazing seasonal local noms.
• Outside perspectives (when childhood friends who stayed in greener Germany genuinely adore and admire my living situation, it really does mean something to me, considering all my longings to return to a more sustainable and traditional way of life from which I originated)
• Talking to my grandparents in India… heartwarming/heartbreaking (aging is a fact of life, inspired to live every moment to the fullest, to practice enjoying it all with abandon, laugh at everything, accept others and include friends and colleagues more fully in my life, and to sharpen and develop my intellect. I have an inspiring family.)
• Proximity & transit-ability to the sahahome.
• Staying connected with oldschool friends. =)
• The opportunity to meet and discuss with endless new people who share my values. (good food, anyone, everyone?)

grassroots movement: move grass. grow food.

Whenever there are in any country uncultivated lands and unemployed poor, it is clear that the laws of property have been so far extended as to violate natural right. The earth is given as a common stock for man to labor and live on. The small landowners are the most precious part of a state.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) Third president of the United States.

Cultivation and Culinary Adventures

I went for an early morning stroll/run in the cool after the rain and before the sun’s intensity and came across the community garden.  The gate was open this time, so wandered inside to take a look within the ivy covered fence. Inside I found a white-haired british man tending to his plot. As expected, this capitol hill garden- like most urban community gardens- has a long long waiting list. However, this gentleman I spoke with brokered a deal with me.  I will tend to his home garden, as he as his wife will be traveling a lot and won’t be able to do so. I earn some extra money and get to do some gardening.  Obstacle: Landlord lameo not permitting me to garden where I live, overcome!

I had been excited about tending the neglected yard outside the grand old row house I moved into.  After looking into backyard sharing programs in DC and recruiting some friends, neighbors, and coworkers to help me to start a garden, a bleak roadblock popped up: the landlord didn’t want me to creat a garden. The house, being situated on a corner next to a green square next to Pennsylvania Ave just a street over from the Capitol building and Library of Congress, is too visible. All the perks of my location working against me!

I shall overcome! I have visited the fabulous rooftop garden after gleaning with Bread for the City, and spoke with representatives of the GWU community garden in foggy bottom and the Common Good City Farm CSA and have high hopes for vesting some time and energy outdoors doing some cultivation. I might even sign up for a CSA share at Common Good… and see if I can’t volunteer to teach some youngsters, while I’m at it, being a teacher transplant and all.

Speaking of teaching, and gleaning, when I excited shared my wonder gleaning experience I got many a bewildered response. What is gleaning? It’s simply the act of harvesting produce which was not sold or collected due to supply/demand. Rather than let good, local produce go to waste, we collected it for ourselves, and much much more for homeless and needy in the city.

With a copious amount of veggies gleaned from the brink of disposal, it meant a whole lot of cooking this week.

On Day 1 I sliced up squash, eggplant, potatoes, and peppers to roast in the oven, with olive oil and herbs I collected as well. Though I had incredible smoked gouda from a wonderful Virginian farmer I had to stop over Yes! Organic Market for some feta to really make it right.

Day 2 I prepared some cousous with tomatoes and scallions and ground some peppercorn and tossed in some feta to go along with the caramelized onions and squash I had prepared with a side of brussel sprouts. There has been the stirrings of admiration, jealousy (or rather, I hope, inspiration) amongst housemates and coworkers!

Day 3 I went back to my stir frying ways with some mushrooms then boiled some beets to have along with feta. By the time the beets were done, I had rearranged the entire kitchen, and by the time I finished boiling some corn, I wasn’t even hungry any more! So I’ll have the rest for lunch, as I’ve been doing everyday, seeing as I’m cookin for one. I’m saving my brussel sprouts for the biggest fan of my foods, if he ever visits!

transplanted teacher

The realization suddenly entered my mind. I missed the children. Sure I was well aware of missing being in nature, missing hiking every day, missing the peaceful contentment the secluded nature sanctuary presented and the warm acceptance of the education team. Transplanted to the heart of the competitive capital, behind a desk in a cubical all day, abruptly urban living in a stuffy city with a shortage of friendly faces, of course I knew, something surely was amiss. But suddenly, it was the children I missed.

Guiding groups of thirty third graders out to roll over rotten logs and collect insects. Hiking in all kinds of weather, with complaining complacent teens, bird watching without a bird in sight, sure it could be a pain. But gardening in school courtyards with middle schoolers, transforming schoolyards into habitats- and transforming their playgrounds into critters’ homes in the eyes of first graders; laughing with the popular princess high schoolers’ attempts at handling flailing life fish straight from the bay… Now, there is something truly transformative about that.

It is the teaching I miss, not just the beautiful waterfront on my door step, the old growth forest hugging my home/classroom combination. The creaky old creepy empty mansion on dark cold nights. The line of kayaks awaiting my leisure, the quiet evenings of yoga and art, the friendships shared, the conversations enjoyed, the meals savored. I left a lot I would pine for. But the children were the joy, the challenge, the reward. Their eager neediness, exactly what I needed.

As much as being a naturalist, an educator was perfect, a more perfect opportunity presented itself.
To arrive at an organization where my typically radical views became the norm, our name announced in the media became routine, name dropping renown environmental and political figures calling on Line Three became another daily task. Influencing national and international policy and understanding, healing the subsistence of our lives, our food, but of course it’s all very compelling. Intellectually inspiring, philosophically fascinating, spiritually satisfying work to be done. Mending the broken system, fighting corporate forces and corrupt institutions with truth and knowledge, advocacy and litigation. It’s stand up work to be sure. The kind of exposure I dreamt of for years. But now, I restlessly wonder what I can fulfil from behind the desk, how can I possibly connect on this infamous hill, where I’m surrounded by people and feeling more alone than ever.
I traded sanctuary for a sea of like minded admirable people; traded engineered crops for organic policy. Somehow it’s startled out me of all those feelings of self worth I filled myself up with. Regression.